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man i hate everyone at my fucking job.
Dec. 10th, 2023 10:21 ammy emotions have been all over the place lately. like just all over the place. i know this is untrue as the universe doesn't not give a shit about anything it's inanimate (maybe) and unfeeling (probably) but i just feel like the universe definitely wants me dead. wants me to be miserable so i kill myself and get the fuck out of here. like at every little turn i feel this. maybe i now have anxiety on top of my usual depression but like its like damn the universe does not want me to have any peace or ever experience happiness. like i get it i personally don't deserve to, but i feel like everyone at least deserves peace. i can't even look forward to this or that because i have to worry the universe wants to take carrie away or i have to worry im going to get fired from the most stressful job i have ever had in my life. and like i know i am lazy but i don't deserve to be stressed out like this at my job. i am being set up to fail and maybe they are doing this to push me out none of them are trustworthy and i am already thinking of an exit strategy. like i need to update my resume and start applying for fucking jobs again eye roll like fuck. i hate trying to get a new job i am already so tired all the time already and my brain is like not working the way it used to and i am trying to fight for myself and be kind toward with myself but like i need to push through this so i can get a new job asap and not be destitute because i can't stay here. i did not sign up for this and my new manager does not know how to manage and i refuse to let a man stress me in my personal life or in my professional one. like fuck all these people man. like all these fucking processes are a mess but when i can't finagle shit and get it to work then i am in the wrong. like no fuck you all. this not how i imagine a business is supposed to be run but maybe that is just me. i did not sign up for this but of course when you work with a bunch of men they don't care about what you imagined for your career. like i was moved so unceremoniously from one team to the next when i didn't even sign up for this type of work didn't even ask if i wanted to be moved. yall gave me all the work nobody wanted to do because it was so stupid and fucked up and didn't plan for any of this transition so now it's all fucked up and now on the first day back from me from TAKING MY PTO that i earned and have to take because it won't roll over im am getting a lecture about make it work. make what fucking work?!?!! like no fuck all of you. i wish nothing but bad on all of you. like normalize never ending hatred in your soul for stupid ass corporations and corporate speak and corporate jobs and people who take any of this soul destroying planet destroying bullshit seriously. like fuck all of this. im not built for this. like this stuff was meaningless to me to begin with i just need money to survive and take care of my cat child and enjoy my hobbies but its not worth being stressed out like this when there is literally not time for me to fix any of it and its not my fault its fucked up in the first place. and i am not even given the chance to fix and that is somehow my fault too. like imagining someone is gonna work after hours and while on pto to fix bullshit no yall got the wrong one. work life balance because nothing we do at this stupid business matters. im gonna get my bonus and jump ship. might not even give yall two weeks notice, maybe just one. i really need to work on my resume and get the fuck out of here ASAP ASAP ASAP ASAP ASAP. ugh i hate all these people so much i hate every last one of them. UGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! i shouldnt feel like this but i do like yall don't care about anyone;s well being and don't know how to run a business and now i am stressed out because of it no thanks.